Starting Fresh

I’m not a very extroardinary man, and there is little you’ll find on this blog that won’t be more thoroughly and eloquently discussed elsewhere. Still there isn’t much point in thinking all the time if you never share any of your insights. So I have created this blog as a place to dump my brain’s ruminations for posterity. Hopefully there’ll be something in here that somebody will find interesting. At the very least, the practice writing should improve my ability to form coherent thoughts, which is sorely undeveloped at present. For example, this first paragraph has taken me about 45 minutes to compose.

This comes at a bit of a corner in my life. My marriage to Sarah, a woman I dated for close to ten years, has ended. In addition to the predictable emotions, I’m finding it difficult to redefine my self-image to match my new circumstances. Making Sarah happy always served as an easy purpose in life (though not always an easy one to fulfill). When I stopped being effective at that goal, the relationship no longer had much to offer either of us, and we quickly grew apart. This isn’t a full understanding of what happened (that won’t come for years if ever I expect), but it serves my purpose here. If I am ever going to find lasting satisfaction, I need to be satisfied in my own pursuits – another reason to start writing to myself.

Right, so that was all pretty mopey and self obsessed. I’ll end on a lighter note. I’ve always had philosophical difficulty with the value people place on our own species. With apologies, literature, humanities, and sociology all seem like narrow minded pursuits to me when the universe, orders of magnitude larger and more complex, would carry on happily without us. For instance, I find the patterns of water in a rapids or gasses in a fire far more significant than the latest political or pop-cultural developments. (Can you tell I’m an engineer?) But the Christmas episode of Doctor Who contained a nice little quote that might help me relate to the more socially-adjusted portion of humanity: “The Universe is beautiful, but it’s only beautiful if there’s someone to observe it”. OK, it’s a little trite, but I like it. Ciao.

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One Response to “Starting Fresh”

  1. Sarah Says:

    I don’t entirely know how to respond to this, other than to note that it’s really quite eloquent (as is a lot of this blog). You’re a better writer than you think you are–the paragraph on the difficulty of making me happy was very evocative.

    Back to my old sarcastic self: dude, you were, as you acknowledge, in a relationship with me–a literature/humanities major, a pop-culture addict and at least an amateur sociologist–for TEN YEARS, and a freaking episode of DOCTOR WHO is the thing that turns you around on the beauty of all that stuff?

    I’m going to go cry now. Clearly, I’m a failure as a human being. đŸ™‚

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