On Dating

Last week I had this big debate with Jeff about internet dating. Years of stories and movies have taught me that I should meet my “True Love” accidentally, fatefully. Running a parametrized search for someone compatible with my chosen criteria seems a little robotic. I complained to Jeff that people who turn to these services were frustrated geeks with little appreciation for romance who spend all their time on the internet. When he stopped laughing, I realized I had just described myself. Sigh. Moreover the stereotype hasn’t been true for years. These days, everyone is on the internet, and even non-geeks appreciate the downright practical advantages of online dating.

So I gave in and put up a profile on Lavalife. My first week on the market has been a rollercoaster ride. For someone who values control over his emotions, I’ve been all over the place:

Last Thursday: Signed up for Lavalife. Holy hell this is nerve-wracking. I get worked up about a blog post, so imagine the state I was in trying to write a paragraph to describe/sell myself to potential dates. I finish in the wee-hours without enough energy to actually search for anyone.

Last Friday: Ran a search of women about my age in Hamilton. Hey, there’s a couple of cool looking people here! I’ll send them a quick email. Wait, how do I articulate what I want in a partner? How do I describe myself honestly without appearing too rigid? How do I approach subjects like being separated? Cripes I suck. it’s taking me hours to write a few paragraphs again.

Last Saturday: Nothing. OK, this dating thing is doing nothing for my ego. Bleh.

Last Sunday: Hey, check out all the smiles! I got replies to my letters too! OMG there’s a message on the telephone from that post-doc I met (outside lavalife) – she wants to go out sometime! People love me! They really love me!

Thursday: First date with post-doc. Lots in common, and lots to exlore. We had sushi, walked the dog in -30 weather, and planned a second date. It’s too early to tell how far it will go, but I did have a great time. My ego has also reached it’s highest level in months. So much for emotional control.

Saturday: Went to visit Sunir in Toronto. He decided he needed to go to a fancy club so he could live vicariously through me. Why do I keep forgetting how much I hate this scene: Pay cover to join a crowd of narcissists, in a room so dark and full of noise it seems designed to prevent you from getting to know anyone. What was I thinking glorifying this?

So yeah – dating again. It’s early days yet, but so far I’ve been pretty successful. I haven’t done this in many (many) years, so I’m actively working to stay light-hearted about the process in order to fight off the anxiety. The next date is tomorrow. She agreed to go to meditation class with me, despite my warnings that there would be a high risk of flakiness. Eager. I like that.

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5 Responses to “On Dating”

  1. isabel Says:

    I went out with this guy who had a deal with his roommates to ask out one girl a week. he said it totally got him out of his dating funk and gave him tons of perspective/self-esteem.

    He was kinda a goof, but he did share that one cool tactic. I suggest you try it!

  2. simplesimons Says:

    That’s a fun plan Isabel. I like the idea of using the opportunity to “sample the menu.” And If there’s anything I need, it’s perspective/self-esteem 🙂

  3. Sarah Says:

    I’m just going through and commenting on whatever shit inspires me here, hope you don’t mind…I was visualizing you having that conversation with Jeff, and him laughing his damn ass off, and you sitting there going “what?…oh. fuck.” I laughed so loud that Muppet jumped off the bed.

  4. simplesimons Says:

    Yeah, that was pretty much how it went. Jeff is great for those no-nonsense reality checks, and I’m always happy to trade my ego for a good punch line.

  5. Seduction Techniques Says:

    seduction techniques

    Even when I was talking to a girl and it was obvious she was flirting with me I wasn’t sure how to make her really interested in me.

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