Archive for the ‘sarah’ Category

On Blogging

February 6, 2007

I started this site with the notion that it would contain everything that I was thinking about – A kind of clearing house for my highly-overstocked head. I wasn’t too worried about signing my real name since, with the breakup of my marriage, I no longer felt the need to justify my opinions to anyone. Indeed, to some extent I blamed my taciturn tendencies for the difficulties with Sarah, and saw this blog as an opportunity to get out of the habit. In that sense, the separation has been somewhat liberating. I haven’t been this ideologically independent since first year university (which, incidentally, was the last time I posted anything so personal on the internet – a sardonic little grocery list for the “perfect girl” which has thankfully expired from engsoc webspace)

I used to be a lot more cautious about this media. The web has a dangerous way of making your off-the-cuff remarks permanent (the aforementioned grocery list is available on for the dedicated). Any inconstancies in your historical opinions are easily cross-referenced and discredited. For example, Micheal Ignatieff arguably lost his chance to be PM because of the opinions he wrote favouring the invasion of Iraq. Prime Minister Harper meanwhile lost his party’s credibility in the environment portfolio thanks to a damning 2002 letter now posted on the liberal party’s website. One might argue that, as public figures, they were right to be held accountable to their published opinions. The difficulty arises when all opinions become published, regardless of their original intended audience. Take the example of the Delta airlines flight attendant who was fired for publishing a semi-fictional diary of her job as entertainment for friends. Though she took due care to protect anonymity by using pseudonyms for companies and people, A few photos of her in uniform were enough to convince Delta that she was harming their corporate image. To give a less malicious, personal example, I removed a section of a comment I made criticizing my boss because, while a legitimate “Thought Dropping”, our relationship might be harmed were he ever to discover it. Likewise, it wouldn’t be appropriate to post intimate details about my recent dating experience without permission from the lady in question. Though I would love to explore some of the revelations I’ve had.

On the other hand, I hold out some naive idealism that we ought to be able to freely share our ideas without fear of judgement or reprisal. My friend Sunir puts it eloquently: “It is the definition of oppressive to live in a world where you cannot fully express your own identity out of fear“. One may argue that complaints about one’s day at work don’t warrant the same protection as artistic creations or academic ideas, but where do you draw the line? I’m not trying to argue for any one extreme – I would honestly like to know where the line might be.

I’m tired, so I’m concluding without much resolution. It’s absolutely fantastic that the internet has given schmucks like me a chance to be published. But the freedom to publish also confers the freedom to be judged, and that’s a pretty big barrier. I wonder if society will change the way it reacts to published thoughts thoughts now that we’re all “public figures”.

Tuesday addendum: I can’t believe I forgot to cite ex-conservative MP Garth Turner, who was kicked out his party because the PMO didn’t like the political opinions he posted to his blog. I don’t think he regrets the outcome though, since today he was offered a plum spot on the Liberal side. It’s a good example of how the blogs are changing power structures by eliminating the ability to control information. I wish all politicians felt free to communicate so openly with their constituents. Unfortunately that won’t happen until attitudes change – We still prefer our politicians (and corporations) to have packaged opinions. From the last link: “[MP Turner] keeps jumping around,” said Karen Sinden, of Milton. “I have no idea what he stands for”. So much for Blog-Power.


Starting Fresh

January 1, 2007

I’m not a very extroardinary man, and there is little you’ll find on this blog that won’t be more thoroughly and eloquently discussed elsewhere. Still there isn’t much point in thinking all the time if you never share any of your insights. So I have created this blog as a place to dump my brain’s ruminations for posterity. Hopefully there’ll be something in here that somebody will find interesting. At the very least, the practice writing should improve my ability to form coherent thoughts, which is sorely undeveloped at present. For example, this first paragraph has taken me about 45 minutes to compose.

This comes at a bit of a corner in my life. My marriage to Sarah, a woman I dated for close to ten years, has ended. In addition to the predictable emotions, I’m finding it difficult to redefine my self-image to match my new circumstances. Making Sarah happy always served as an easy purpose in life (though not always an easy one to fulfill). When I stopped being effective at that goal, the relationship no longer had much to offer either of us, and we quickly grew apart. This isn’t a full understanding of what happened (that won’t come for years if ever I expect), but it serves my purpose here. If I am ever going to find lasting satisfaction, I need to be satisfied in my own pursuits – another reason to start writing to myself.

Right, so that was all pretty mopey and self obsessed. I’ll end on a lighter note. I’ve always had philosophical difficulty with the value people place on our own species. With apologies, literature, humanities, and sociology all seem like narrow minded pursuits to me when the universe, orders of magnitude larger and more complex, would carry on happily without us. For instance, I find the patterns of water in a rapids or gasses in a fire far more significant than the latest political or pop-cultural developments. (Can you tell I’m an engineer?) But the Christmas episode of Doctor Who contained a nice little quote that might help me relate to the more socially-adjusted portion of humanity: “The Universe is beautiful, but it’s only beautiful if there’s someone to observe it”. OK, it’s a little trite, but I like it. Ciao.